Monday, October 03, 2005 :)
Today's been... interesting. Somehow I never find it a 'bad day'. Even if things don't go my way, somehow I still think it's a good day since I've learnt something from it. Which is good, right? Right.
Did like, chapter 18-31 (which is the end of my book, fyi) today. 3 hours. Not bad right? Kinda satisfied. This is my first break since I got home. WHOOOAAA. Haha.
Woke up today feeling really discouraged. Like, really. Every morning I've been waking up with the same stupid thought that's been preying on my mind for the past week. But this morning so many things seemed to cram into my puny brain. Suddenly so many regrets; so many mistakes; so many things I realised I haven't done right and KNOW I won't do right. You know, that ain't too good?
So went down - nice and cool, as usual. Prayed, committed everything to Him again. I guess maybe that's what got my through today.
To all the 2e1 kias out there, I'm sorry. I really am, and I guess I take full responsibility for what happened though it might not have been my fault. I feel the guilt, though not as badly as I did just now. Burdened.
It's amazing how sometimes, the most unexpected people, and I mean MOST, can just step forward and encourage you when you really need it. I don't know, sometimes I doubt who my true friends really are. Or maybe it's just the doubt of how many true friends I really have; and how I don't even realise it. I don't count my blessings. Thank you to all those who helped cheer me up in the most subtle ways, Shu Juan, Nadia, Yenny, Naim (yes, you did help), and of course Mr Tan.
-sigh- I'm starting to think I'm a failure. Wait, I WAS starting to think of myself as a failure until I thought I couldn't let people down anymore. I've done it so many times; as a chairman, as a vice-pres, as a daughter, as a friend, as a sister, as anything I actually am. I can't do it again. I won't do it again. I'll try my best. I promise. And I keep my promises.
Which makes me wonder WHY people don't keep theirs. It gets me hurt especially when I trust one so wholeheartedly with a promise and get betrayed. As Daryl says, that's when one doesn't trust anyone else. But nah, I still do trust. Some. I don't know what's the point of making a promise when you're gonna break it. For goodness' sake guys, whoever I'm referring to here, I don't know, don't make a promise if you know you're gonna break it.
I'm just thinking so much these days. Either I'm immaturing or maturing or just thinking to much. I guess I ain't as mature as I THOUGHT I was, as they said I was. I'm just a teenager, wandering around, searching for life. Life in people. Love in people. Hope in people. Faith in people.
Man alive.
This world's in urgent need of love.
What, ho, what, ho, what, ho!10:12:00 pm
