Friday, August 17, 2007 :)
To Give, To Sacrifice
Was thinking a lot about giving and sacrificing for others last night and this morning. I was just thinking of how much I've been giving for others recently, so much so that I suffer for it. How much time I've been sacrificing, and how much sleep I've been forgoing.
Last night, I just started doubting. Thinking about how wise (or maybe, unwise) it is to give so much of myself when, in the end, I'm the one who's losing out. How much time I'm giving when I could be studying, time which won't ever be won back. How much sleep I'm forgoing, so much so that I can't keep awake for some lessons, and I know I really need to sleep.
I don't know why, but I just started thinking about whether I should stop giving. What a horrible thought, to stop giving. But it didn't occur to me how much I've gained from giving. Not in terms of physical strength or whatever, but I've been so much more blessed by those I give my time to. By those I make sacrifices for.
Sure, sometimes it's difficult for me to give, and sometimes I really don't want to. At times there's even pain in the giving, rather than joy. Then this morning (ya, I was thinking quite long) I realised that life isn't all about me. And the reason why I was doubting was because I was looking at myself rather than at others, focusing on what I need, rather than what others need.
And for some reason, I'd forgotten that I'd received so much. From the people I give to, from the people I make sacrifices for. It didn't dawn on me that they'd probably given even more, and sacrificed even more than I had. Without complaining. Yet here I was, looking at my pathetic little self and feeling pain giving.
And I realised, that if I were just to live my life looking after myself, sleeping sufficient hours so that I would have energy the next day, neglecting those around me so that I can study, life would be pretty meaningless. I don't think that's the kind of life God intends me to have.
So I won't have it :)
What, ho, what, ho, what, ho!4:10:00 pm
