Monday, September 10, 2007 :)
Been thinking a lot. Yeah, even while studying Biology. Actually only thinking of 2 things la. Other than genes, plants, blood, etc...
First thought came while I was listening to "Unashamed" by Starfield. And the lyrics just hit me.
And I know I'm weak, I know I'm unworthy, To call upon Your name. But because of grace, because of Your mercy, I stand here unashamed.
For some reason, that line just stood out of the song. And I just thought, God has so much mercy on me. He acknowledges me and is unashamed of me. He died for me even though I never deserved it, and nothing I do could ever make me worthy of even knowing Him. Yet He's unashamed of me.
So why should I be ashamed of Him?
It's so easy to be unashamed when I'm in a fellowship of those who're unashamed too. Yet when the time comes for me to declare His glory in front of those who don't know Him, for some reason I'm afraid. I hold back, I hesitate. I want to praise Him and just tell my friends how great God is, but fear holds me back. And gets the better of me.
I read in a devotional book for teenagers once that "On the other side of your fear, someone is waiting to know Jesus." Yet I choose be pessimistic and think of what would happen if they reject what I say, rather than what would happen if they actually listened.
I really want to throw this fear out the window, step on it, crush it, smash it, shatter it, whatever. I don't want this fear anymore. And I believe God will help me. :)
The other thing I've been thinking about is something totally different. I've come to realise how difficult it is to wear a mask. To try and be happy when inside, you really aren't. To be strong for someone else when just at that moment, you really need the strength and support.
Now I know how a parent feels, when he has to punish his child for something the child has done wrong. Sure, the child hurts, but it's true. The parent hurts so much more.
Isn't it the same with God? Imagine us sinning against Him, and because He's just and faithful, He punishes us so that we'll grow in Spirit and in Truth. It hurts us, and we even blame Him, but I guess we've never really thought of how heartbroken He is when He does that.
I've also realised how beautiful it is to give. To surrender. It takes so much courage, so much faith, so much strength to take that leap. So much energy invested, so much time given. Yet, in the end, it's all worth it. I love what Pastor Tim Tan said yesterday:
It's only when you take that leap of faith that you'll realise God's hand was there all along.
It's not easy, but with God, what's impossible? He's the one who provides the assurance, the guidance, the strength, and the faith. It's not from us mortal beings, but it's really from Jesus who is the source of our strength.
It's difficult, but I know it's the right thing to do. Everything in me tells me it's the right decision.
So now, it's time to obey. With joy. :)
What, ho, what, ho, what, ho!5:16:00 pm
